Tuesday, August 18, 2015


There are some days that feel as if the seams of the fabric of our life are falling a part. There are some days where the sorrow, heartache and pain seem to reach the very depths of our souls. But, there is one thing that pulls those seams back together. It eases the sorrow and heals the heartache. It soothes the pain. It is gratitude, and Adam and I have found it to be a healing balm and a source of comfort. Often, before we go to sleep we list what we are grateful for that day. It really helps us keep things in perspective and helps us keep a knowledge of how blessed we really are. Here is my list of gratitude.

1. I am so grateful that the surgery Adam had to have a feeding tube place went smoothly. The recovery has been so hard, much harder than either of us expected but, the feeding tube is working well, and he finally is able to get the nutrition and calories that his bodies needs to be sustained and to start healing. Hopefully this will help him not have the severe weakness and dizziness that comes from not being able physically to keep down enough food. This has given us hope, and my words can't describe the gratitude I feel for that. 

2. I am so thankful for Adam's resilient spirit. He has not complained once, and continues to amaze me and others with his love and grateful heart. 

Vincent Van Gogh
3. We are both grateful for the dedicated team of nurses and doctors that have made this happen. We are grateful for the steady and experienced hands of the surgeon who placed the feeding tube. We are grateful for the nurse practitioner and dietitian that have made sure this is the best thing for Adam. I am grateful for the dedication and care from the home health nurses as they call to check up on Adam and their patience and careful explanation as they have shown me how to set up the feeding tube, the formula and how to administer his medication. 

4. Modern medicine is a wonder to be grateful for during this time. While we don't have all of the answers right now, we trust that they will come.

5. I am so grateful, with all of my heart for the love and support of our friends and family. There have been times when my physical strength fails, and my angel mother and angel mother in law have been there to do what I sometimes can't. My parents and sweet brother came out last week to help, and I don't know if I could have done it without them. Adam's parents and siblings have been there constantly, giving both of us the love and support we need. It is a sacred and special experience to be on the receiving end of so much love and prayers, and Adam and I are constantly touched and renewed by the strength that comes from it. Sometimes, the most powerful and moving things are ones we cannot see. We can only feel them. This is one of those times, and we are so grateful. 

6. We are grateful for our wonderful apartment, and for Adam's aunt and uncle that have been beyond generous in allowing us to live there and to work through this in such a safe and comfortable place. Adam and I are grateful for them every day. We are grateful for a comfortable bed, a place where Adam can lay and heal and rest. We are grateful for his medicines, for pharmacies, for syringes, for pill crushers, essential oils, for the feeding pump and IV pole, for the formula that will give his body what he needs.

7. I am so grateful for music, a constant refuge and source of comfort for me. I am grateful for Disney movies, for the TV show Psych that we watch and can laugh and forget our problems for a minute. :)

7. There is peace knowing that God lives, that He is our loving Heavenly Father. I am so grateful that I feel peace when I pray. I am talking about lasting peace, it is not temporary, it is not fleeting. It is real, and it comes from Him who loves us. We are both grateful for the knowledge that God's timing it perfect, and that He is watching over us. We know that we are not alone. It is my knowledge of these things that has allowed me to be ok, and to be able to keep going everyday.

8. I am so grateful for marriage. That Adam and I can become one, and that we can work through this together. I know that we are stronger together than we could ever be a part. I am grateful that we can laugh and cry together. There is a healing that comes from loving someone with everything inside you, and I am grateful for that. 

It is not always easy, but recognizing and being grateful for the little things brings peace when everything around says otherwise. 

Nicoletta Thomas Caravia
"We can choose to be grateful, no matter what. This type of gratitude transcends whatever is happening around us. It surpasses disappointment, discouragement, and despair. It blooms just as beautifully in the icy landscape of winter as it does in the pleasant warmth of summer. When we are grateful to God in our circumstances, we can experience gentle peace in the midst of tribulation. In grief, we can still lift up our hearts in praise. In pain, we can glory in Christ’s Atonement. In the cold of bitter sorrow, we can experience the closeness and warmth of heaven’s embrace.

Being grateful in times of distress does not mean that we are pleased with our circumstances. It does mean that through the eyes of faith we look beyond our present-day challenges.

This is not a gratitude of the lips but of the soul. It is a gratitude that heals the heart and expands the mind.True gratitude is an expression of hope...It comes from acknowledging that we do not always understand the trials of life but trusting that one day we will."

-Dieter F. Uchtdorf